Seeking Closure, Part II
Finding a sense of agency
This is an additional post this week, a continuation of seeking closure. Starting next week, essays will be published on Wednesday afternoons.
There is so much that we cannot control, but in nearly all things, we can exercise agency.
- Sharon Hodde Miller
While I didn’t choose for my position as Equity Specialist to end and didn’t have much voice in the process, I learned that I could seek my own closure, which I wrote about in the first essay earlier this week. Doing so empowered me to find agency in the midst of so much being out of my control. This gave me glimpses of hope, since agency is a necessary component of hope.1
So I’ve been asking myself: Where in this season can I have agency when so much is outside of my control?
Here are some things that have been important to me as the school year, and the position that I’ve held for the last 3 years, came to an end:
Connecting and commiserating with people whose positions were also eliminated
While pain, loss, and grief are never things I would choose to go through or wish on other people, I’m grateful I wasn’t alone in it. Due to the budget shortfall, many positions in addition to my own were cut. Several of us bonded together and would meet to support each other throughout the last several months of the school year. This was a lifeline for me as it helped the long, drawn-out ending to be more bearable. Solidarity is powerful.
Updating resources to be available for people once my position ended
One of the first things I started asking myself after I was told about my position was, “What am I leaving behind?” It’s a version of reflecting on my legacy in this position and my brain gravitated towards the tangible. What resources could I make sure that people have access to when they need them? What resources are most valuable and most needed? How can I communicate that these resources are available? Focusing on following through with these questions helped as I wrapped up the year.
Honoring certain “lasts”
There are several groups that I’ve supported consistently over the last three years. In addition to working with them separately in their schools and departments, I’ve met with them collectively on a regular basis. It was important for me to recognize and honor each instance that was the last time I met with and/or trained these groups.
Additionally, there were several trainings that I gave repeatedly (and consequently got better each time). Acknowledging to myself that it was the last time I was giving this [fill in the blank] training was important to me.
A “Farewell Tour” of the district
A few of us whose positions were ending decided to do a “farewell tour” during the last full week of school to visit every building one last time. We gave various treats and cards to the people we’ve worked alongside and supported. It was full of emotion, and I’m glad I was able to travel around the district one last time (for now).
Starting “Cultivating Justice”
As I shared earlier this week, I started this Substack as a way of processing and sharing what I’ve learned as an Equity Specialist. I’m grateful for an avenue to continue sharing work that is vital in the field of education and the world overall.
What are some ways you have found your own agency when so much else is outside of your control?
I’m excited for us to be able to learn from each other as I share what I’ve learned. It’s important that sharing and learning be welcoming and inclusive.
Expectations for comments:
Be curious
Be kind
Comments not aligning with these expectations will be deleted.
Casey Gwinn & Chan Hellman define hope as “the belief that your future can be brighter and better than your past and that you actually have a role to play in making it better.” The “role to play in making it better” is the agency component. Regardless of your preferred definition of hope, research into the science of hope all agrees that hope has three components: goals, pathways, and agency.
Gwinn, C., & Hellman, C. M. (2022). What is Hope? Hope rising: How the science of hope can change your life (pp.9). Morgan James Publishing.
I'm so glad you did the farewell tour! It was nice to see you one last time. I learned so much from you while serving on Equity! Any future students you have in your classes are very lucky to have you as their teacher!🍎
During my medical leave, I felt powerless in more than one way. My physical limitations were getting me down. So, I decided to cut my hair super short to make it easier to care for. Then, when I was told I would have to wait for possibly difficult news, I decided to dye my hair purple. Something I’d been wanting to do but thought too risqué at my age and position in life. That alone empowered me because it was a reminder that I still had agency in some things. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.