Cultivating Deep Listening
A crucial aspect of empowering people’s voice
The wrong first question is, What do we need to do? The right first question is, Who do we need to become?
- Benjamin McBride
I wrote the above quote last month in “Developing a Pedagogy of Voice.” In order to authentically empower and amplify voices, we need to cultivate deep listening. According to Shane Safir, deep listening is “a type of listening that aims to relieve the suffering of the other person, supporting personal healing and the development of relational trust.” 1
The following are common pitfalls that can get in the way of deep listening and safeguards to protect against them.
Pitfall #1 - Solution-itis + Paternalism
The first pitfall is twofold:
Solution-itis: Fixing an “ill-defined problem without consulting those most impacted” 2
Paternalism: Those with power not believing it’s necessary or important to understand the experiences of those for whom they are making decisions
This pitfall maintains unequal power dynamics and upholds the status quo that likely caused inequities in the first place. When we jump too quickly to fix an ill-defined problem, we’re not really solving anything (and probably actually causing more problems), but we often soothe ourselves by“checking the box” of having solved the problem. Problems can remain ill-defined when we haven’t taken the time to deeply listen and seek to understand the experiences of those impacted by the problem, resulting in further impact by the lack of a meaningful solution.
Safeguards for solution-itis and paternalism include:
Listening for root causes, not surface solutions: - Once (some of the) root causes have been identified, we’ll need creativity and innovation to envision different solutions to break free of the status quo cycle. Only then can we hope to make substantive change.
Working in partnership: There needs to be inquiry with, not inquiry for. Anytime we catch ourselves thinking of what we’re doing for people rather than with them, we need to check for paternalism.
Pitfall #2 - Transactional Listening
Transactional listening behaviors can include:
The listener being so absorbed in note-taking that they don’t look up, make eye contact and miss important nonverbal cues
Demonstrating disconnected body language and a lack of warmth and care
Being distracted by phone, email, other conversations, etc.
Becoming defensive about what people are sharing
Dismissing or shutting down strong emotion3
While this list is not exhaustive, these behaviors communicate a dismissiveness and discomfort towards people’s experiences and result in them feeling unheard or devalued.
Safeguards for transactional listening are the practices of being present including:
Reflecting back nonverbal cues. Our nonverbal cues communicate more than words alone, which can help people feel seen and validated.
Demonstrate care & compassion by asking follow-up questions to learn more.
Paraphrasing & summarizing using the phrase “What I hear you say…” This practice helps clarify any misunderstandings and confirms that the listener is hearing the message the speaker is trying to convey.
Hold space for emotional peaks. These often carry crucial messages that help us better understand people’s experiences and unmet needs. The emotional peaks likely communicate what matters deeply to the speaker, which is a vital aspect of deep listening. We cannot empower and amplify voice without understanding what matters most to those who are impacted. If we’re too uncomfortable to sit with this emotional intensity, we’ll likely miss the point altogether. 4
In being present and listening actively, we need to seek to understand the message beneath the words. This helps us get to the root cause(s) and respond accordingly.
Pitfall #3 - Letting Ego/Biases Interfere
Our ego and biases can easily get in the way of deep listening, often unconsciously. What assumptions or judgment are you holding towards “those people” or “that group”? Do you think you already know what they’ll say before having asked? How many of these assumptions are based on stereotypes or a limited cultural viewpoint? These questions can be helpful in revealing our biases. Unchecked biases and assumptions will not only impact how we listen but also what we hear. It’s possible to fully miss the speaker’s message because we’re allowing our assumptions to take the lead.
Safeguards for letting ego and biases interfere include practicing self-awareness, intentionally being curious, and adopting a posture of humility (it’s important to recognize there are things we don’t know). Safir poses additional questions to reflect upon before engaging in deep listening:
What assumptions, stereotypes, of deficit-based scripts am I holding right now?
How can I press pause and open up new ways of thinking and understanding?
What are the limitations of my own cultural frame, and how can I listen for the assets and cultural wealth that the speaker possesses? 5
As you may have noticed, these pitfalls often do intersect with each other. For example, if we’re letting our unchecked biases take the lead, we might develop a posture of paternalism which can result in transactional listening behaviors. Similarly, the safeguards also intermingle. Practicing humility can foster the desire to work in partnership, which motivates us to be present while listening and helps us better hear and understand root causes. Cultivating deep listening is something to continually practice, and doing so promotes well-being and develops trust.
What other thoughts do you have about the opening quote?
The wrong first question is, What do we need to do? The right first question is, Who do we need to become? - Benjamin McBride
I’m excited for us to be able to learn from each other as I share what I’ve learned. It’s important that sharing and learning be welcoming and inclusive.
Expectations for comments:
Be curious
Be kind
Enjoy this? Here are related essays from Cultivating Justice:
Safir, S., Dugan, J., & Wilson, C. (2021). Calling folks in and up to equity. Street data: A next-generation model for equity, pedagogy, and School Transformation (pp. 205). Corwin.
Safir, S., Dugan, J., & Wilson, C. (2021). Pound the pavement. Street data: A next-generation model for equity, pedagogy, and School Transformation (pp.71). Corwin.
Safir, S., Dugan, J., & Wilson, C. (2021). Pound the pavement. Street data: A next-generation model for equity, pedagogy, and School Transformation (pp.78). Corwin.
Safir, S., Dugan, J., & Wilson, C. (2021). Calling folks in and up to equity. Street data: A next-generation model for equity, pedagogy, and School Transformation (pp. 205). Corwin.
Safir, S., Dugan, J., & Wilson, C. (2021). Pound the pavement. Street data: A next-generation model for equity, pedagogy, and School Transformation (pp.78-79). Corwin.